Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Lost Love..............

I heard a commercial today, It was for a rehab center on the beach. They spoke of serene settings, calm, quiet, and all the rest a compelling advertisement does. I found myself enthralled. Am I a drug addict? No. An alcoholic? No, although I have been drinking more this year.....I don't think so. What would qualify me?! Nothing by their standards....and yet I feel I belong there. I feel lost sometimes. Like a drifter. I love too big, care too much. It's always been my problem. Maybe they should make a 'retreat' for that.

It seems like I am constantly hurting those I care the most for. I take in strays, spread myself too thin and all the rest. I just can't get it right. I'm finally coming into my own and realizing, as painful as it is, it really is ME. All relationship fails....every painful thing I've been's all who I am...and God help anyone who wants to love warned! I'm broken, damaged, perhaps even a lost cause. Not that I'm down on myself, just being honest for the first time of who I am. I'm fine with it. I need to come to terms with 'Me'....that's part of growing....evolving and re-discovering.

I'm not sad.....not trying to whine, not trying to do anything but be Real. Reminding myself that I'm strong enough to be vulnerable. I wish it was easier...but life isn't meant to be easy.

I feel like we're all here for a purpose.

To learn.

Everything else is secondary.

But what about the times when you 'Love Big' and it's too big? It hurts those that you cherish the most. Takes away from time with them and energy that was theirs? There in lies the rub.

So....I continue to work. Try and practice balance. Admit my shortcomings.

I am forever a work in progress. No more, No less. Complex, Yes. Worth it? Hopefully. Guess time will tell....

Kisses and luv to all....

Wrong or right, it's who I am and always will be....


Thursday, October 10, 2013

Time 4 WoNdErLaNd.............

Halloween is coming......

I'm going to be Alice this year. It felt only natural. Mixed up, curious, many aspects of this girl, this life. Some days feel like Wonderland. Stepping into a dream. Impossible to define on paper. So I didn't even try.

.....7 months since I blogged....

Honestly feels like a century. Time just slips away. The next thing you know, seasons change. So here I am...still just me, but at least I'm finally getting a sense of who that is again. It feels good. Better than good. Sure it's been painful, but there's always pain in growing. And I can honestly say I have learned this year, perhaps more than in my previous life's experiences combined. Metamorphosis is lovely....terrifying, but rich with beauty for those brave enough to accept the gift. My wings are spread wide, waiting for the next rush.

I've gone on some Grand Adventures this summer.......

Watched salmon jump, Walked a suspension bridge, Visited another state, Visited another country, Did more photo shoots than I care to count, Attempted catching elusive fish with my Kiddo every week....only to end up with one....Grew an amazing garden, Played naked in The Nature, Walked Art Walks, Hempfest, Folklife and Pride Parades, Made new friends over Mojito slushies, Met colorful Peeps everywhere I turned, Watched glorious plays in parks I'd never been to, Saw Robert Plant in the vineyard, Rocked out to amazing music, Discovered new beaches....Found Treasure....found MySelf....LoVe , found Respect.... Joy, Found My Souls Perfect Match.

........Walked off the path

And it was Incredible!!!

Just a glimmer of some of the worlds I've been playing time to get back into the one involving black ink on white paper. It's always easiest to start here. With my friends, allies and biggest motivators. You who have seen me at my clumsiest and persist on pushing me. Encouraging me to press on and loving me back. I've moved houses, cities, relationships.....sometimes it feels like the ground beneath my feet is shifting with me as I walk.

I'm free to be me for the first time....  
Now I 'm learning what to do with it.

So I'm visiting my book a kid at Christmas, it's full of wonder. It's been such a long time since I've written that it feels as though the words came from somewhere else. Another mind, another time. I may end up re-writing the whole thing. Probably will. But I'm excited either way....because I'm doing it again. Even picking up the rough was filled with trepidation. The entire thing sketched out collecting dust like a time capsule. Abruptly halted, no warning....I was afraid of my own creation. My plan was to have it out by last summer, but plans change. So here we are.

.....Taking it one day at a time
Doing what we do

Breathing in.........
Letting go of fear and hate

Trying to make sense of lucidity.......

EnJoYiNg the CraZZZZEeee

Loving unabashedly.....
Learning I'm Strong Enough to be vulnerable....

~Love like you deserve to be loved~

Xo Xo Xo Xo

Sunday, March 24, 2013

Modeling Shoot March 17, 2013

Here's a few from my St. Patty's Day shoot..............No Green LOL

Peace Peeps
~Hug a Stranger Today
...............The world needs More Luv Xo

Saturday, March 23, 2013

Epic 10 FT Boa Constrictor Modeling Shoot

This was the Kewlest photo shoot I have Eva done!!! Soooooooo epic, I felt like a ninja!

Love you all!!!

Friday, March 8, 2013

Newest Pics.....and Update

So I finally cracked and set up a portfolio on the 'Model Mayhem' LOL..........funny.........I keep trying to resist joining more sites, but get sucked in by friends and photogs..... ya go........

More book updates coming..........stay tuned! Editing like a crazy woman!!!!

Here's a few totally different looks for me..........

Love Luv Love You All

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

1st Event as 'Mrs.World Boxing Union' 2013.........

So I had an amazing opportunity for epic adventures and I took it! I am the newest 'Mrs.World Boxing Union' (WBU) and have committed to the entire year. I will be traveling monthly wherever the fights are held....including a planned trip to Africa and Europe. This will be a huge adjustment for me as I learn to balance my writing, modeling, etc......with life, but as things continue changing in my world, I am embracing and even welcoming the challenge!! The first official function I attended was on February 9, at 'The Crown Plaza' in St. Paul, Minnesota. I had the best time watching all the amazing ringside action, meeting some really lovely locals, as well as promotional appearances, parties and more. Here are a few pics for you all to experience with me..............MORE info and updates on my 2nd Book 'LivEternal' coming SoOn!!!

Thanks you all for your amazing Love and Support! You truly are the Bestest friends a gal could ever hope for and I am sooooooooooooooo blessed and humbled by all your support!!!!!

Me and Phil....the Victor!
Me and the Champ
Proud Dad and Awesome Warrior!!

And the winner is............
Almost time!!! National Anthem.....then it's 'Go Time'!!

Weigh Ins

My boss 'Moose' giving Phil the WBU belt................sooooooooo heavy!! I carried around all weekend for photo shoots! I'll post some pics of me and the belt later!

The newest WBU Belt holder.........Congrats to Phil 'The Drill' Williams

1st Knock Out.........but Not over Yet

Gettin ready for the main event.........

And he's OUT!!!! Way out!! Knocked him almost out of the ring!! I was hoping to 'catch' him!!

Phil leaving to see his fans..........
Minnesota is soooooo cold!! But the people are Lovely!!!!!

I was sooooooo shocked when Phil Williams Knocked Shujaa out the 1st time! My boss was cracking up at my expressions! I was like a little kid...........soooooooooo exciteable!!!!

More pics and updates later............Love you all!!!!!!!!!!!

Paige xoxoxo