Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Lost Love..............

I heard a commercial today, It was for a rehab center on the beach. They spoke of serene settings, calm, quiet, and all the rest a compelling advertisement does. I found myself enthralled. Am I a drug addict? No. An alcoholic? No, although I have been drinking more this year.....I don't think so. What would qualify me?! Nothing by their standards....and yet I feel I belong there. I feel lost sometimes. Like a drifter. I love too big, care too much. It's always been my problem. Maybe they should make a 'retreat' for that.

It seems like I am constantly hurting those I care the most for. I take in strays, spread myself too thin and all the rest. I just can't get it right. I'm finally coming into my own and realizing, as painful as it is, it really is ME. All relationship fails....every painful thing I've been's all who I am...and God help anyone who wants to love warned! I'm broken, damaged, perhaps even a lost cause. Not that I'm down on myself, just being honest for the first time of who I am. I'm fine with it. I need to come to terms with 'Me'....that's part of growing....evolving and re-discovering.

I'm not sad.....not trying to whine, not trying to do anything but be Real. Reminding myself that I'm strong enough to be vulnerable. I wish it was easier...but life isn't meant to be easy.

I feel like we're all here for a purpose.

To learn.

Everything else is secondary.

But what about the times when you 'Love Big' and it's too big? It hurts those that you cherish the most. Takes away from time with them and energy that was theirs? There in lies the rub.

So....I continue to work. Try and practice balance. Admit my shortcomings.

I am forever a work in progress. No more, No less. Complex, Yes. Worth it? Hopefully. Guess time will tell....

Kisses and luv to all....

Wrong or right, it's who I am and always will be....


1 comment:

  1. What a beautiful piece of writing. If more people lived by your philosophy it would be a better world. Don't change ... and don't be so hard on yourself. I wrote this about myself after realising I needed to accept my shortcomings.
    I am as I am,
    Strange as I be
    Can't change now, too late you see.
    I've learned to accept myself as I be,
    And accept that not everyone's gonna agree (with me).


Thanks for sharing...Peace