Lost Love..............

I heard a commercial today, It was for a rehab center on the beach. They spoke of serene settings, calm, quiet, and all the rest a compelling advertisement does. I found myself enthralled. Am I a drug addict? No. An alcoholic? No, although I have been drinking more this year.....I don't think so. What would qualify me?! Nothing by their standards....and yet I feel I belong there. I feel lost sometimes. Like a drifter. I love too big, care too much. It's always been my problem. Maybe they should make a 'retreat' for that.

It seems like I am constantly hurting those I care the most for. I take in strays, spread myself too thin and all the rest. I just can't get it right. I'm finally coming into my own and realizing, as painful as it is, it really is ME. All relationship fails....every painful thing I've been through...it's all who I am...and God help anyone who wants to love me...be warned! I'm broken, damaged, perhaps even a lost cause. Not that I'm down on myself, just being honest for the first time of who I am. I'm fine with it. I need to come to terms with 'Me'....that's part of growing....evolving and re-discovering.

I

I'm not sad.....not trying to whine, not trying to do anything but be Real. Reminding myself that I'm strong enough to be vulnerable. I wish it was easier...but life isn't meant to be easy.

I feel like we're all here for a purpose.

To learn.
Love......

Everything else is secondary.

But what about the times when you 'Love Big' and it's too big? It hurts those that you cherish the most. Takes away from time with them and energy that was theirs? There in lies the rub.

So....I continue to work. Try and practice balance. Admit my shortcomings.

I am forever a work in progress. No more, No less. Complex, Yes. Worth it? Hopefully. Guess time will tell....

Kisses and luv to all....

Wrong or right, it's who I am and always will be....

Peace
Xo~Paige

Time 4 WoNdErLaNd.............

Halloween is coming......

I'm going to be Alice this year. It felt only natural. Mixed up, curious, hopeful....so many aspects of this girl, this life. Some days feel like Wonderland. Stepping into a dream. Impossible to define on paper. So I didn't even try.

.....7 months since I blogged....

Honestly feels like a century. Time just slips away. The next thing you know, seasons change. So here I am...still just me, but at least I'm finally getting a sense of who that is again. It feels good. Better than good. Sure it's been painful, but there's always pain in growing. And I can honestly say I have learned this year, perhaps more than in my previous life's experiences combined. Metamorphosis is lovely....terrifying, but rich with beauty for those brave enough to accept the gift. My wings are spread wide, waiting for the next rush.

I've gone on some Grand Adventures this summer.......

Watched salmon jump, Walked a suspension bridge, Visited another state, Visited another country, Did more photo shoots than I care to count, Attempted catching elusive fish with my Kiddo every week....only to end up with one....Grew an amazing garden, Played naked in The Nature, Walked Art Walks, Hempfest, Folklife and Pride Parades, Made new friends over Mojito slushies, Met colorful Peeps everywhere I turned, Watched glorious plays in parks I'd never been to, Saw Robert Plant in the vineyard, Rocked out to amazing music, Discovered new beaches....Found Treasure....found MySelf....LoVe , found Respect.... Joy, Found My Souls Perfect Match.

........Walked off the path

And it was Incredible!!!

Just a glimmer of some of the worlds I've been playing in....now time to get back into the one involving black ink on white paper. It's always easiest to start here. With my friends, allies and biggest motivators. You who have seen me at my clumsiest and persist on pushing me. Encouraging me to press on and loving me back. I've moved houses, cities, relationships.....sometimes it feels like the ground beneath my feet is shifting with me as I walk.

I'm free to be me for the first time....  

Now I 'm learning what to do with it.

So I'm visiting my book again....like a kid at Christmas, it's full of wonder. It's been such a long time since I've written that it feels as though the words came from somewhere else. Another mind, another time. I may end up re-writing the whole thing. Probably will. But I'm excited either way....because I'm doing it again. Even picking up the rough was filled with trepidation. The entire thing sketched out collecting dust like a time capsule. Abruptly halted, no warning....I was afraid of my own creation. My plan was to have it out by last summer, but plans change. So here we are.

.....Taking it one day at a time
Doing what we do

Breathing in.........
Letting go of fear and hate

Trying to make sense of lucidity.......

EnJoYiNg the CraZZZZEeee

Loving unabashedly.....
Learning I'm Strong Enough to be vulnerable....

~Love like you deserve to be loved~

Xo Xo Xo Xo